I think....

To Forgive.. Is it so hard??

shivasharan — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 13:43:15 +0000

As humans we yearn for a heart which can connect to us and understand drop to drop, to the ounce, what we feel and go through. I feel its a much ignored and unacknowledged inherent need lying deep inside us. Also, strange is the behavior of ‘closing up’ we exhibit when we are hurt by those individuals we let into our closer circle and expected them to fulfill our special need. Aren’t we, by closing up, or blocking out the same individual we trust and love so much, acting in a way similar to what hurt us in the first place? Isn’t it, in a way, a kind of ‘giving it back’ action? Though most of us never realize when actually doing it.. We are consumed by the feeling of hurt and become immune or ignorant to the hurt we are causing to the other individual. Are we not ending up actually doing a tit-for-tat. Are we not forgetting the basic rule of relationships? The sacred principle of holding the other person’s hand when we see them stumble.. Can we not do it impulsively and instinctively?
Ya, we do it. When the hurt is small, or depending on our moods, or the initial few repetitions of the same kind of mistake.
None of us holy souls would like to intentionally hurt someone else. That is why that individual got shortlisted to enter our closer circle in the first place. No one would make friends or become close with an obvious sadist right? So are we losing faith on the criterion which was satisfied at the time of recruitment? And that too, despite knowing clearly that, it hurts a lot when such basic foundational feelings are doubted or questioned.
Forgiveness: the act of letting go of things from our heart when we know something was unintentional. But depending on our mood, we do get angry for small unintentional wrongdoings by people around us. But the respite from such a reaction is quick and easy. If letting go of things is so easy when the ‘unintentional’ tag gets attached from our heart, yes, it seems like a self monitored certification process, which is followed by the judiciary. And the individual, if he/she can convince the court that the act was unintentional then he gets away with a slight rap on the knuckle.
Is that the way to treat our closest souls? Putting them through a painful trial? When we clearly know how difficult it can be. Its because we are scared to trust individuals, yes.. even those we handpicked as suitable. And that difficulty is because of the bitter experiences we went through, and more often because of the exposure to such incidents. How many of us actually got deceived by a pretending sadist who got close to us and then took advantage of all our forgiving behaviour and hurt us a lot and so we are like this now..?? I mean to say, do we really have picked up so much baggage that we have to stoop? I don’t think so. More often its just the way we would have let our mind get conditioned. Yes, conditioned in a way to overpower the heart, which works just fine by itself. We get overprotective about our heart, despite knowing that the injury to the heart can be healed in the same way – pure love, care and affection from our close dear ones.
Well getting back, Considering that the individual has to go through the judiciary after committing a mistake, fine. But why do we end up making it so hard for the poor soul to prove that the act was unintentional and he/she never meant to hurt us. Don’t we all know that criminals are innocent until proven guilty? Do we consider the wrongdoing makes our closest souls worse than criminals?
All of us know that the definition of right/wrong is higly subjective. And when we know that whats perfectly fine for someone else is not so for us. So when the individual whatever his/her subjective definitions are, is willing to let go of them, and accepts our definition, looking at it from our glasses,, accepts his/her wrongdoing and vows never to repeat such a thing… Isn’t it enough?
Coming to the acts which are due to ignorance or innocence. We all end up doing a lot of things completely preoccupied with something else running on our minds. And we also know, that severly restricts the clear processing power of the brain. Yes, we actually treat such day to day innocent preoccupied actions(mistakes) as harshly as the law treats those acts like drunken driving.

Just A Min!!

shivasharan — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 10:15:37 +0000

How long a minute is.. depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on

What a brilliant definition! Isn’t it?.. One of the best n wittiest I have come across.

It perfectly describes the extent of disparity in subjective perception of the effective duration.. On one hand, It seems like an instant and on the other.. it seems like an eternity. The critical situation..

Just to reflect on the ‘seeming’ self oriented mentality of us- the current generation..
Most of us would have experienced both the ‘seeming’ durations personally. But we find it very hard to imagine the other ‘seeming’ when actually travelling in One…
Of course I agree that at such moments there are things and thoughts of far higher priority completely enveloping all the cores of our brain.. Making us completely incapable of processing anything else.

Ok… we are thinking abt 2 individual subjective thoughts.. like 2 locomotives pulling the same train of thought in opposite directions . Lets consider 1 more..

God.. How do you think he must feel. 2 of his own creations praying for 2 completely different outcomes, with the same sincerity and devotion. Well.. we all know he always comes up with a solution which is ultimately for our good. But on the short term perspective, the good outcome for one.. may not be so good for whole lot others

I always used to ponder.. On the day of the exam, there must be millions of students initiating prayers for the similar outcomes all at the same time. That must be the worst congestion ever.. All lines on the route will invariably be busy. But that is not enough to make us stop and wait..

Getting back to the topic, I recently had to use the office bus instead of the cab which I had all this time. It made me realize the value of a minute from a whole new angle and importance. 1 extra minute in bed, when you are about the wake up is all we wish for.. desperately. But once we get it, its over in an instant. And that extra minute has far reaching consequences when I have to sprint hard to catch the bus. Unlike the cab which used to wait up, the bus just goes off.

And having got the privilege of being the first pick up on most of my cabs, I could afford a deviation of upto 2 mins from the starting time. But the same 2 mins seem real long, when waiting for someone else even after spending a seemingly long time cursing the irresponsible person who doesn’t value time..

Those last minutes of a boring class which just stretch forever.. And those days of fun which just fly by as minutes…

If we just try and see the other side… We’ll get a smile..

Sau.. dard hai.. :)

shivasharan — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 20:29:51 +0000

100…

Police.. Sachin.. Onion.. What else…

Well, the 0n10n does have an 100 in it… only the digits are mixed up

An agrarian nation and onions costing more than petrol. Times sure are changing, right ?

Since i started my reference with Police, just a point which i came to know recently. I have never tried dialling 100 actually. But seems it doesn’t work.. Any guesses? No, its not ‘out of coverage’ message… we need to dial the STD code prefixed it seems.. From unconfirmed sources.. ie..

Well i had to bring Sachin in too, because he too has been responsible for the 100 losing its value. Come on folks.. the guy has hit so many centuries that soon no one’s gonna raise their bat after crossing the ton. Nah.. its not such a big deal.. do you know how many the little fella has got! Yup, the count’s close to a 100 too

I want to convey my vote of appreciation for the numeral which held a unique place in everyone’s hearts for a long time. Be it marks.. or kmph.. or engine displacement.. etc etc.. the numeral held its importance in our country for a long time. Now everywhere its taken over.. dethroned.. kicked away.. you can button start it away too

100 the round number.. the cent.. the standard unit of most measures.. In fact its so round and symmetrical that one more than this number is the most preferred donation amount to the almighty Ya I guess people get some kind of satisfaction in knowing that they are giving away one more than the special number

The sales guys used this psychological barrier feeling to their advantage too. When they realized the impact the soul feels while crossing this round number, they tried hard to remain close to it but just below.. so hard in fact they went on adding 9s.. Ya.. 99.95 etc etc..

Well.. is there hope for the future? will the 100  get back its clout?

Hmm.. Definitely.. I say..

The following heroes can help the 100 regain its lost glory..

The rupee against the dollar… the petrol price per ltr… the yr 2047.. Ya.. the last one definitely has to be the biggest.

Also hope India gets more than 100 medals in the 2048 Olympics.. the 100th year of Independence…

Jai Hind.

Ek choti si Love story…

shivasharan — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 09:29:50 +0000

It was one of those ordinary evenings.. I was in the office bus, waiting for it to push off thinking about the traffic and generally bored.

I dont know why she caught my eye, but soon as she boarded, I started hoping that she would come and sit next to me. As usual, it was one of those out of bounds wishes, She found a seat somewhere up front.

After that day, I caught sight of her a couple other times and was found myself pleased with that . She somehow seemed different, somewhat special, kind of a person who would stand out in a crowd.. Looking Confident, with impeccable dressing sense and all that…

As I board the bus at one of the early stops, I get to chose my seat. And I usually sit in third row, aisle seat of the long 3 seater on the right. It was a normal Monday morning, me running to the stop and catching the bus at the signal… I got in short of breath, and completely lost it seeing her next to the window of my 3 seater. I sat down, very pleased but without a clue of what I am gonna do now that she’s next to me.

“Are you at Dell?…” I turned, scarcely able to believe my ears… “No, am at ….. ” I managed. Started chatting a bit… She said she had done her MS in US, and returned recently. After the introduction and profile exchange, having had a tough night, I dozed off…

The next morning, she was there. In the same place… Again… Bit more chatting, me dozing off… Was the same thing for a couple of days. On the Friday morning, I was losing my head. After getting down, I just wanted to be with her the whole day. All day at work I was distracted, kicking myself for not asking her number, and thinking about what all to talk in the evening… with the remotest chance of her being on the same bus as me, and even remotest chance of getting to sit together. Hope is strange.. it makes you look forward to things, build skyscrapers floating on paper basements. One logical thought is all it takes to crumple the basements. Alright, enough of psychology preaching.

There I was, in the two seater, hoping she would take the same bus. With all the expectation built up through the day, waiting in anticipation, as the moment came close. Then he came… One of my colleagues, with a perfect mood to chat. Ever heard of water being splashed on plans… This was worse… He was completely oblivious to the fact that I was not on earth. Started blabbing abt his work, his manager.. and what not… God who cares. Anyways, you got the message. I started hoping that she would be busy today and miss the bus… Atleast its better than having to sit next to this guy and look at her sitting across the aisle… Swalpa, uriyodu kadime aagutte anta. But, as usual, the basement collapsed and there she was, walked in looked at me, chose a seat couple of rows front of me. My friend here was going non stop, completely ignorant of the skyscraper demotion that just happened… I couldnt stand it anymore, told him that I was expecting someone to join me, to please shift. The journey was over in brooding about all the things I had working against me… As my stop came close, I decided, to get down wherever she does. I started feeling hopeful once again, and patted myself on the back for my quick mind . One stop went, No sign from her… Two went, nothing… by the fourth stop I was feeling foolish, so decided to get down anyways. I got up as the bus slowed and started walking towards the front door. I turned only to find my ‘dear’ friend right behind, surprised that I didnt get down at my stop… and to my complete surpise, saw her standing behind him… Meanwhile the bus stopped and I got down awkwardly and could only look at her walking away, me left to explain to this guy that I had to buy something near that stop.

Couple of days later, I boarded my evening bus with a lot less expectation(things had settled down and I was back to terra firma)… Walking in, saw her in exactly the same 2 seater where I had previously witnessed the skyscraper demolition happening. Said Hi, with a big smile, got one in return too, she shifted her bag from the seat to her lap, and I sat down on Cloud 9 thanking the fate and everyone She was having some Hide n seek biscuits.. and offered me. I blurted no thanks for the first time to Hide n seek, and we started chatting. After a few minutes, she had stopped eating but still had the pack in her hand. I couldnt control anymore, and said that I would have a couple if the offer was still open.

She offered the pack, and said… ‘I knew you would ask…..’….

Ufff… As you guessed, I was already on Cloud #99 by now. We chatted about this and that, at one point I said I was looking forward to gorging on chats after getting down… She said she was feeling like eating maggi, and would cook it at home. We discussed about all the best chaat places in the neighbourhood… and this and that.. the journey was over in a jiffy…

The next evening, I walked into the bus… saw her in exactly the same seat, same routine… I sat down direct on Cloud #101 this time.

Started talking… this and that… me already thinking on how to take it further,… I was sure this was it.. by the way I was zooming up to the clouds and changing seats there each time I bumped into her…

I asked…

‘Hey how was the maggi yesterday evening…? Relished it?…’

‘Oh.. I didn’t have maggi yesterday….’ she explained… ‘my mother-in-law had prepared pulao…’

….

India Shining!!-2nd Innings???

shivasharan — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 05:25:35 +0000

Anyone taking a glance at one of the major national newspapers will be amused to find the government competing with other companies for advertising. This is just the people in power blowing horns about their so called ‘achievements’ during their term. This trend was last seen with the NDA government’s India Shining campaign during the election year.. which though made us feel proud about ourselves, turned tables for the party in the battle. The party allegedly spent close to 84 crores for the campaign which used both television and print media. The campaign was professionally executed, using Creative directors and Advertising firms. This gives an indication of the changing trends in Indian Political scene. The parties are increasingly targeting the youth especially the urban folk.. with focused campaigning.

Now, we can already see efforts of the ruling government what looks like a warm up months before the elections are due. Already full page advertisements give indication of things to come. To get an idea of the seriousness of the issue, the cost for a full page ad in a major newspaper is around Rs.18-20 lakh. Throw in the television campaigns too, and the money spent will be huge. The Presidential campaign during the recent US elections involved, in total, more than a billion dollars. But the issue of concern is, the extent of aping being limited to the bad/negative things. There is a very long list of things which we have ‘selectively’ copied from others, mostly from the West. OK.. let me stick to the point on hand… the Election Commission keeps a tab on the money spent during an election. But it cannot do anything about these campaigns as the Ads in reality are not asking anyone to vote for them.. They are just blowing their trumpets and proclaiming their achievements, embedding them into the minds and letting the viewers and reader do the thinking. The parties in opposition cannot do much, as they have nothing to advertise about in a similar manner. They can only do direct campaigning.. hollering about the misdeeds of the present government and issue promises about what they can and will change. At most, they can dance around in the states they are in currently power. They can advertise about their local achievements and drive home the same point in an indirect manner. Precisely what is happening now. In all this trumpet blowing, the taxpayer’s money is being burnt and no one’s least bit accountable. They openly defend themselves, saying that all they are doing is making the junta aware of the work being carried out by the govt. The result is each department, each ministry coming out with full and half page ads for every inaguration, foundation stone laying.. and effectively reminiscing with ‘Then’ and ‘Now’ type of Ads.

Looks like we need something like the Opensecrets.org.in I hope it will not be long before it materialises.. Looking at the way Citizen activism is becoming effective. Bangaloreans cringe at the thought of rallies, the JD(S) one strangling the city for half a day. The Activism resulted in the High court asking the Police not to give permissions for gatherings of strength >15k people. Hope this is implemented, with the controversial Anti-terrorism campaign’s valedictory function expected to converge 2 lakh students.

With the current CEC seeming like an avatar of the erstwhile legend T.N.S, we were looking forward to the elections being suffocatingly strict.With the Election Commission of India occupied with its own issues, internal blame game and controversies….. We can only hope for the successor’s efficiency.

India Shining???

shivasharan — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 17:35:06 +0000

Well that was the NDA’s tag line during 2004 polls. Now that the next episode is just around the corner, I am spending a few lines on the issue.. Well India IS shining with respect to some areas, and still rusting in many more. One of those rusty corners is Product based Industries. A friend of mine recently bought one of those chinese mobiles for Rs 4500. I almost fainted looking at the list of features it had: A huge maybe 3.0 inch 262000 color touch screen, 2.0 MP camera, FM, Music player, iPhone like menu, and all the basic stuff- expandable memory, but the most important thing: It had TV.. Yes.. I am serious, Came with a pretty compact (also wonderfully built) antenna.. pull it out and WELL… there was good old DD in better than TV clarity. Agreed, DD is hopeless for entertainment, but you can watch a cricket telecast on it… (Govt having forced the private channels to share the telecast).. and an odd movie.. Just imagine flaunting one of those, forget walkman… forget live scores, The point is, for the same price, all you get in Nokia, Moto or Sony is a vga camera, 65k screen a crap looking phone (in front of the chinese that is….) Hey one more thing, it also accommodates 2 sims. The call lists, network level everything is separate. Even has dedicated keys for sim1 & 2. My friend liked this feature the best, he’s staying away from home-One sim with low std plan for calling home, other with good local tariff.

It got me thinking… There aren’t many companies in India which manufacture products which are world class, giving those big MNCs a run for their money. The impact of this is huge…Why else do we have to depend on others for our defense supplies, even 50 years after independence, when countries like Korea, Japan, having been ruined completely.. are up there at the apex. Why else, the fastest train in the country cannot cross 85mph, having had the first train run way back in 1853. Why isn’t there an Indian Google or MS or Yahoo, considering the scores of people make their living with computers. The list is long, but all is not covered by rust.

Enough of whining, lets look at the shine: How many of us know that the single reason Chinese automobile manufacturers aren’t daring to enter Indian market, is… TATA.. Aye.. they are scared of the low cost, quality automobiles of the Tata. They along with Mahindras have made some world class cars, There’s the ISRO, having set a world record by launching 10 satellites at one go. There’s HAL, having joined the elite with the Tejas. There’s Titan, having ruined the sleep of Timex in India, is making its mark in eye care. There’s Bajaj, coming up with newer technology in its every new bike. There’s HCL, having products on par with the Hps, Sonys and others… All in all… taking India to the world.. as an Aditya Birla ad says…

Well, All I can say is, we may be slow, but guys… watch out!!

And I keep on waiting….

shivasharan — Fri, 09 May 2008 16:09:29 +0000

Its 8:15 a.m. and I stand here in the bus stop waiting for the office
bus to arrive. I stand here in the same manner as I did a few years
back waiting for my college bus. Little did I know then that things
would change so much in 2 years; the sky under which I am standing
seems to be looking at me and smiling .. It is perhaps the only thing
that has acted as a witness .. watching the transformation of a loud
and bubbly person into a quiet professional.

I wouldn’t blame the professionalism for the change though. It is
destiny, or may be you could call it life. Yes Life, esoteric in the
true sense, for one does not understand why you meet hundreds of people
everyday, work with so many, and still remain lonely.

I am now in one of the corner seats in the bus, looking out of the
window watching people trying to catch up with “life” .. It’s an hour’s
journey and the only company that I generally have is the chatter of
the RJ. I seldom notice the person sitting next to me, for its going to
be yet another stranger or may be you could say another acquaintance.
It is annoying at times when the radio is switched off, not because I
am cut off from the melody but because I would now be thrust with
thoughts of the solitary journey ahead.

I can’t help thinking about the short bus journeys to college … well
it’s a paradox to call a distance of 30 KMs “short”, but that is how it
always seemed. A typical college day always begins in the bus with all
the familiar faces; you look forward for all your friends to get in
from the various stops, the reasonless giggles, the loud laughter that
were stifled to avert the eyes of the lecturers and professors who
would watch on us as if we were their prospective prey for the day …
well as I said it was a different life then. The pleasant memories of
college are in itself good enough to save me from the misery of the bus
journey.

I notice that it is time for me to get down and flash my smile of
acknowledgment to all the known strangers that I see as I approach my
cubicle. A few of my colleagues greet me with their morning wishes and
as always, we exchange our pleasantries. Discussions jump to the
weekend plans and I wonder what I’d do over the weekend.

It would be just another day staring at the mobile, wishing it would
ring and bring back some wonderful moments that are now missing in life
or maybe the safer option would be to come to office, for it’s my new

founded asylum these days. A few years back, weekends or weekdays
didn’t matter to me, I was always busy. I always stood doubting the
authenticity of the wall clock that seemed to be in running too fast to
perceive its movement. Alas, now it seems as though my clock is
suffering from some kind of paralytic attack.

There is a time in life, where one needs to go ahead, leaving behind
your friends and carrying along only memories. You do make new friends,
but then you never get the old close ones … you do meet people who’d
be so good to you that you could tell them anything and everything, but
you do not find a person to whom you needn’t say things … friends who
just know you. Occasional calls from such friends, have been the only
thing that I seem to look forward to …However, I cant help but notice
the uneasy pause that lingers around the conversation ..A pause not
because of the relationship, but because it is too short a duration to
say everything, and of course you cannot completely rule out the
paucity of words!

As I sip coffee from the ubiquitous coffee mug, watching the drops of
rain, trickling down the tinted glass panes, veiling the scenic beauty
outside, I tell myself, may be there will be a day when things will
change, when life will offer a rewind, a recap of all the events and I
just have to wait.

Capricious are the ways of life, for I know there would be many who’d
be able to empathize with me, ironically, even the dear ones that I
miss this moment, waiting perhaps…!!

And I keep on waiting……

Perfect Husband!!!

shivasharan — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:38:45 +0000

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club. After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.

                Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

               (H – Husband, W – Wife)

                H – “ Hello ?”

                W – “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? “

                H – “Yes.”

                W -”Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”

                H -”What’s the price?”

                W – “Only $1,000.”

                H – “Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much…”

                W -”Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2005 models. I saw one I really liked. It’s a SLK model. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price. And since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…

                H – “What price did he quote you?”

                W – “Only $65,000…”

                H – “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

                W – “Great! But before we hang up, something else…

                H -”What?”

                W – “It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beach front property.”

                 H – “How much are they asking?”

                W – “Only $450,000 — a magnificent price.. .and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”

                H – “Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $420,000. OK?”

                W – “OK, sweetie…Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”

                H – “ Bye…I love you too…“

                The man hangs up & closes the phone’s flap. The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision. The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks ” Does anyone know who this Cell phone belong to???”

Historic!!

shivasharan — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:35:55 +0000

Okhil Babu’s letter to the Railway Department

Okhil Chandra Sen wrote this letter to the Sahibganj divisional railway
office in 1909. It is on display at the Railway Museum in New Delhi. It
was also reproduced under the caption “Travelers’ Tales” in the Far
Eastern Economic Review.

“I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too
much swelling with jackfruit. I am therefore went to privy. Just I doing
the nuisance that guard making whistle blow for train to go off and I am
running with lotah in one hand and dhoti in the next when I am fall over
and expose all my shocking to man and female women on platform.

I am got leaved at Ahmedpur station. This too much bad, if passenger go
to make dung that dam guard not wait train five minutes for him. I am
therefore pray your honor to make big fine on that guard for public
sake. Otherwise I am making big report to papers.”

Any guesses why this letter was of historic value?

It apparently led to introduction of toilets in trains!!!!

The 5 min management course!!!

shivasharan — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:33:49 +0000

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel, “

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?”

“It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies..

“Great,” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”

The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.”

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129 It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.”

“Me first! Me first!” says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.”

Puff! She’s gone.

“Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.”

Puff! He’s gone.

“OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing?”

The eagle answered: “Sure , why not..”

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”

“Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.”

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

BullShit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there..

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!