Perfect Husband!!!
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club. After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.
Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
(H – Husband, W – Wife)
H – “ Hello ?”
W – “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? “
H – “Yes.”
W -”Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”
H -”What’s the price?”
W – “Only $1,000.”
H – “Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much…”
H – “What price did he quote you?”
W – “Only $65,000…”
H – “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
W – “Great! But before we hang up, something else…
H -”What?”
W – “It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beach front property.”
H – “How much are they asking?”
W – “Only $450,000 — a magnificent price.. .and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”
H – “Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $420,000. OK?”
W – “OK, sweetie…Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”
H – “ Bye…I love you too…“
The man hangs up & closes the phone’s flap. The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision. The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks ” Does anyone know who this Cell phone belong to???”
Historic!!
Okhil Babu’s letter to the Railway Department
Okhil Chandra Sen wrote this letter to the Sahibganj divisional railway
office in 1909. It is on display at the Railway Museum in New Delhi. It
was also reproduced under the caption “Travelers’ Tales” in the Far
Eastern Economic Review.
“I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too
much swelling with jackfruit. I am therefore went to privy. Just I doing
the nuisance that guard making whistle blow for train to go off and I am
running with lotah in one hand and dhoti in the next when I am fall over
and expose all my shocking to man and female women on platform.
I am got leaved at Ahmedpur station. This too much bad, if passenger go
to make dung that dam guard not wait train five minutes for him. I am
therefore pray your honor to make big fine on that guard for public
sake. Otherwise I am making big report to papers.”
Any guesses why this letter was of historic value?
It apparently led to introduction of toilets in trains!!!!
The 5 min management course!!!
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel, “
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?”
“It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies..
“Great,” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”
The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.”
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129 It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.”
“Me first! Me first!” says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.”
Puff! She’s gone.
“Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.”
Puff! He’s gone.
“OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing?”
The eagle answered: “Sure , why not..”
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”
“Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.”
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
BullShit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
My thoughts on neo comedy..
Starting recently, a new form of comedy has been carving a niche of its own. No famous books have been written on it, but its very successful nevertheless. PJs… Poor Jokes. Only thing poor about them is the name. No other form of literature has managed to evoke such an aggregation of emotions. I wont list all of them…. You’ll get a taste of them soon enough. You can say I’m a connoisseur of PJs. I feel PJs are master strokes of genius. How else can you explain the pile of feelings assosciated with it. That huge pile which come only with months of hard work and loads of money, that pile assosciated with movies like Devdas, Saavariya… You wont know whether you should appreciate the hand-work of the creator or curse him 
As starter… check this out.. Once Mickey mouse and Donald duck had a fight. They fought hard and strong,.. in a fit of rage.. donald picked up mickey and banged him against the wall… And then… Mickey started writing Ramayana on the wall… Why?? Brace for it….. because mickey became wall-mickey… Valmiki…
Here’s a mathematical PJ… what is the vector form of sridevi??? Ans: Tabu… Puzzled? Its understandable… its a level 3 PJ which requires experience to understand…. Sridevi acted in the movie Chandni. Tabu acted in Chandni Bar… Got it??
How can Sadhus resist all temptations? Because they keep saying om om om… More the Ohms more resistance..
What do you call Mr.Bean when he’s sleeping? Soya bean…..
What is the difference between a fly and a mosquito? Ans: A fly can fly but a mosquito cannot mosquito… Again… What is the difference between a fly and a mosquito? Ans: A mosquito can fly but a fly cannot mosquito…
Whats the cube of 13??? Guess??? Its suroor…. because… tera tera tera.. suroor…
Why are South Indians dark?? because they keep watching Sun TV, Surya TV…without sunscreen.
All the scientists in heaven.. once decided to play hide and seek. Einstein was the seeker. He started counting… After reaching zero, he went to look for others.. He found Newton standing on a square carpet near the fountain. He caught him and started screaming ‘I have found Newton, he’s out..’ Guess what Newton says… “Fool, Cant you see that I’m standing on a square, I’m Pascal” ( Newton per meter Square is Pascal- unit of pressure)
What do you call a girl with no friends??? Koena mitra…
More to follow….
Waiting for your comments..
Dedicated to all the Authors.. The incognito geniuses..
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